Free Fall

Ann Wang/Reuters

I watched Alex Honnold free solo climb the Taipei 101 skyscraper last night. It was gripping, intense, and breathtaking to see. He was one slip, one imperfect move, one wind gust away from falling to his death. 

My heart was racing with his every reach. The anxiety lived in my throat as I gasped and held my hands to my head while he navigated the trickiest edges.

And then I realized that my heart wasn't actually elevated and my anxiety hadn't increased. It was exactly the same as it had been the hour before that.

And the days before that.

And the months before that.

My new normal is fight or flight. Calm, peace, and safety are elusive.

Worry, rage, devastation, and disappointment are ever-present. 

"But aren't you doing this to yourself, Erika? 

You could get off social media. You could turn off the news."

I could - and it would be so much easier for me. 

I could - and I won't because there are people who don't have the option to "turn it off".

The LGBT community, one gust away from being erased.

Our immigrants and their allies, one imperfect move from being kidnapped.

The poor and those struggling with mental health, slipping farther from safety.

The ideals of this Democracy, in a free fall toward its death.